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First Trimester Anxiety

It should be normal to feel anxious while pregnant. There are serious risks especially in the first trimester. I should know. We lost our first baby last year. { The Firstborn that Wasn't Meant to Be } I know how the statistics are and I'm not 100% healthy to begin with. 

When my husband and found out I was pregnant again, we were not as excited as we were the first time. There's a bit of excitement coupled with a lot of fear. What if it's blighted again? What if I miscarry? We even had a discussion whether to announce the pregnancy or not. Our previous loss somehow robbed us of the joy we're supposed to have.

We nicknamed him/her Jellybean.

It's tough going to the hospital. Nerve-wracking. I've developed a phobia of having an ultrasound. In my past two ultrasound appointments I avoided looking at the doctor. The doctor would try to put on a poker face but any patient could easily sense if something is wrong.

To be honest, the doctor couldn't tell if this pregnancy is viable or not based on the two ultrasound results. Maybe it's too early to say. We're hoping for the best, preparing for the worst at this point.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."
Psalm 127:3

The first thing I did when I felt I might be pregnant was to dedicate the child to God. If He decides to take this one to heaven too, we just have to accept it. If God will let him/her live, we already have a commitment to raise him/her well. It's best to acknowledge that we are only stewards of children, we do not own them. Being a parent is not a right. It's a privilege.

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