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"Sinadya"

"Sinadya" is a Filipino word to describe an event or action that happened or was done "intentionally."

Let me tell you the events that transpired in April 19, 2015 from my perspective. That fateful day, God allowed His church to undergo a drastic change.

It is not my intention to open old wounds. If you are still hurt or negatively affected by these events, stop right here. Don't read the account that follows. 

You can't wish to be free and bring your cage with you.

I don't wish to destroy the image of our churches. I just want to raise awareness. 

If you are from another Baptist church, let me tell you this uncomfortable truth. The Devil is constantly setting up traps to destroy your church. What happened to us can happen to you if you will not be vigilant. Evil seeps in in many ways, in many forms, and it could very well seep into your own pastor's heart.

A lot has been said. You have heard many accounts from different people, but there is only one truth. I will tell you not a version of what happened, but a small part of a larger collective truth we all share. Maybe you just don't know it yet, or you've always known but find it difficult to admit until now.

To my church mates both present and former, given that you have moved on and you think you are ready to read this, please do so with an open mind. 

Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 6)

We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy."
It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition.

I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living.
By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.

Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 5)

We already have an idea of what's going to happen. The only question is when.


I'm afraid it will happen while we're in the camp but we are still determined to attend. We're not going to be absent this year. Call it a leap of faith. We're going to be there. If it happens there, we'll be ready.

We were absent last year for a very similar reason - a miscarriage. Day 1 of Camp 2017 was the very day I was taken to the hospital for a D&C. It was devastating.

Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 4)

Two weeks of begging God for favor is starting to take its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. At this point, I'm just impatient to know if my baby (if there really is one) is going to make it or not. I want answers. 


Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 3)

It's the second half of our two week program. Since the first ultrasound result, we're just trying our best to stay positive and hold on to our faith. It's tough knowing that this could be another loss in the making - another blighted ovum. There's still a small chance that the baby will show up in the next ultrasound - a small chance. We're just hoping for a miracle.


Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 2)

For most women, pregnancy is an exciting and blissful prelude to motherhood. Unfortunately, I am one of few women who dread being pregnant, traumatized by past pregnancy losses and failure. I'm pregnant for the third time in the moment we're almost sure we've done our best to prevent it from happening. Will God allow us to be parents this time?


Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 1)




My first resolution for 2018 is "DON'T GET PREGNANT."

Nakakadala. I don't know if there's any direct translation to this word. It means we've learned our lesson and we don't want to go through the same situation again. After two losses, the natural response would be to take a step back and think about whether we want to try conceiving again, or stop, or take a break.

We decided to dedicate this year to replenishing our health and our funds. I took on a project to help with that. We're trying to improve the management our present business. We're looking for ways to save money (possibly go back to live in Apartment A). So far, so good.

My Walk With God | SFBBT Church Camp 2018

Church camp has a different meaning to every person. I was 11 years old when I first attended. It was nothing but a fun trip then. I won an award I didn't know I was qualified for - Junior Miss Camper. I assume they saw potential in me? Honestly, I still don't know what that award is for.

As time went on, camp became more of a responsibility, actually a burden for me. A camper becomes part of a group. Each group competes for trophies and prizes: best ID, best banner, best cabin, best presentation, best behavior and so on... I've been to countless meetings and practices and workshops prior to the event. I've done a lot of handmade ID's and banners. It was the same program year after year, just different competitions. The camp I've always known can only be done one way - an overall competition between groups and individual campers. We all have one week to put our best foot forward, get noticed by the organizers, then get awarded on the last day. 


I come to camp wanting learn. Sure, there were a lot of lessons learned about leadership and being an active participant in the ministry, about loyalty, giving... It was fun and all, but I always come home tired and wondering if I really progressed in my spiritual life. It seems I've given more to camp than I have gained. Lugi ako. (Sadly, I did not profit as much as I hoped.) Come to think of it, I don't remember any camp lessons about simply how to be close to God.

I never realized we've been doing camp wrong until the culture of competition and idolatry directed to 'personalities' stopped in our church. I'm grateful to God for saving us from the wrong leaders and directing us back to His will. Since April 2015, everything changed. 

REVIEW | Hardin sa Tabing-Ilog Adventure Camp

It's been a long-time tradition for our church to spend the Holy Week together in an annual church camp. I've been to different campsites, some with better facilities, but I personally like this place. You can say it has a lot of potential, and a lot of charm!

Let me enumerate the reasons why I like this place and what other ways they can improve to better accommodate people in the future.



Hardin sa Tabing Ilog Adventure Camp is exactly what it says it is - a roughly landscaped camp facility beside the river.

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