Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 6)
We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy."
It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition.
I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living.
By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.
I decided to delay posting this because my husband and I
agreed not to make any announcements before April.
---Beware! The article below contains TMI (Too Much Information)!---
April 6, 2018 (Friday)
Though still manageable without painkillers, the cramps are getting worse. The bleeding is still light. I am expecting heavy bleeding and clots by now but it looks like that's not happening. My 2nd miscarriage was a total gore-fest. Makapit talaga siguro ang blighted pregnancy. It was like what the OB said. Blighted pregnancies are more difficult to deliver naturally. Or maybe the worse is yet to come... We'll just see how this goes...
April 7, 2018 (Saturday)
Bongga na ang cramps. (These cramps are so intense.) Is this how contractions feel like? I’m now bleeding heavily and passing clots. Feeling ko mauubusan na ako ng dugo. (I feel like I’m going to lose a lot of blood.) I had to take mefenamic acid for the pain.
via GIPHY
Maybe those clots were the gestational sac? We went to the hospital to know if all the products of conception went out.
It’s still inside! I’m already dilated but the sac isn’t going anywhere. The doctor had to perform D&C to scrape the sac off before it becomes toxic.
My husband and I knew there’s a good chance this will happen so we packed a change of clothes and toiletries.
via GIPHY
They sent me to the delivery room at 6 PM. Nakakatakot parin kahit 3rd time ko na maraspa. I don’t think anybody gets used to going through this. The last thing I remembered is the voice of the anaesthesian telling me to “relax”. When I woke up, I’m already back in the room like nothing happened.
My brother visited. He stayed with me while Roy went home to feed Xena and do some quick errands. I’m still groggy at the time I couldn’t make a decent conversation. Roy came back with food. Nawala yung pagiging groggy ko hahaha.
April 8, 2018 (Sunday)
I woke up at 2am. Roy was still sleeping. Buti nalang may free wifi. Nothing much to expect from free wifi. Puro buffer so I went back to sleep.
When I woke up I sent Hubby away. I want to know how Xena is doing at home. He also needs to get his own breakfast outside of the hospital.
We’ve been praying since last night. Our savings are low because of what happened. We’re still paying off debts from last year... God has proven once again that He provides our needs. People have offered prayers and financial help. Despite what happened, we're thankful for people who care for us.
All I did today was eat, sleep, play PVZ and take advantage of free wifi connection. We’ll be home soon. I’ll probably do the same when we get back? No. I have drawings to finish.
We got home before 3PM.
via GIPHY
While we pray for miracles, we need to accept what God has allowed to happen. We may never know the reason for our circumstances, but living in depression is never the solution. I've been depressed and suicidal in the past. That attitude never changed anything. Problems and disappointments will still happen. How we respond to them is our choice.
Though still manageable without painkillers, the cramps are getting worse. The bleeding is still light. I am expecting heavy bleeding and clots by now but it looks like that's not happening. My 2nd miscarriage was a total gore-fest. Makapit talaga siguro ang blighted pregnancy. It was like what the OB said. Blighted pregnancies are more difficult to deliver naturally. Or maybe the worse is yet to come... We'll just see how this goes...
April 7, 2018 (Saturday)
Bongga na ang cramps. (These cramps are so intense.) Is this how contractions feel like? I’m now bleeding heavily and passing clots. Feeling ko mauubusan na ako ng dugo. (I feel like I’m going to lose a lot of blood.) I had to take mefenamic acid for the pain.
Maybe those clots were the gestational sac? We went to the hospital to know if all the products of conception went out.
It’s still inside! I’m already dilated but the sac isn’t going anywhere. The doctor had to perform D&C to scrape the sac off before it becomes toxic.
My husband and I knew there’s a good chance this will happen so we packed a change of clothes and toiletries.
“Let’s pretend we’re on a staycation!”He laughed at the idea. #staycation sa hospital. We’re tired of crying so we just joke around and cheer ourselves. Kahit yung mga nurses pinagtitripan namin.
They sent me to the delivery room at 6 PM. Nakakatakot parin kahit 3rd time ko na maraspa. I don’t think anybody gets used to going through this. The last thing I remembered is the voice of the anaesthesian telling me to “relax”. When I woke up, I’m already back in the room like nothing happened.
My brother visited. He stayed with me while Roy went home to feed Xena and do some quick errands. I’m still groggy at the time I couldn’t make a decent conversation. Roy came back with food. Nawala yung pagiging groggy ko hahaha.
April 8, 2018 (Sunday)
I woke up at 2am. Roy was still sleeping. Buti nalang may free wifi. Nothing much to expect from free wifi. Puro buffer so I went back to sleep.
When I woke up I sent Hubby away. I want to know how Xena is doing at home. He also needs to get his own breakfast outside of the hospital.
We’ve been praying since last night. Our savings are low because of what happened. We’re still paying off debts from last year... God has proven once again that He provides our needs. People have offered prayers and financial help. Despite what happened, we're thankful for people who care for us.
All I did today was eat, sleep, play PVZ and take advantage of free wifi connection. We’ll be home soon. I’ll probably do the same when we get back? No. I have drawings to finish.
We got home before 3PM.
While we pray for miracles, we need to accept what God has allowed to happen. We may never know the reason for our circumstances, but living in depression is never the solution. I've been depressed and suicidal in the past. That attitude never changed anything. Problems and disappointments will still happen. How we respond to them is our choice.
I choose to keep living.It takes a lot of strength to face three consecutive losses, but we know we're not facing them alone.
I choose to stay faithful.
I choose to stay committed.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28 (KJV)
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