Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 2)
For most women, pregnancy is an exciting and blissful prelude to motherhood. Unfortunately, I am one of few women who dread being pregnant, traumatized by past pregnancy losses and failure. I'm pregnant for the third time in the moment we're almost sure we've done our best to prevent it from happening. Will God allow us to be parents this time?
February 26, 2018 (Monday)
I decided to delay posting this because my husband and I
agreed not to make any announcements before April.
If you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.
If you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.
---Beware! The article below contains TMI (Too Much Information)!---
February 26, 2018 (Monday)
First prenatal appointment today and I am not excited at all. I don't want an ultrasound but I need to know what caused the spotting and if I have any infection. I didn't want to delay the checkup any further.
For some reason, there's a long queue at the OPD today. A new male nurse took my BP. Halatang hindi sya sanay kasi sobrang higpit na nung cuff. (He took a lot more time measuring my BP. The cuff was so tight.)
Seeing the very long queue, the OB forwarded my records to the queue for the ultrasound. The long wait continues.
Napping in the busy OPD hallway like a boss. Roy can sleep anywhere. I switch between hungry and sleepy and dizzy. Good thing I had cookies in my bag.
Finally, I was called in for the ultrasound.
I kept looking away from the doctor. I focused my eyes on the ceiling the whole time. Then he called for my husband to confirm our fears...
There's a good chance it's blighted. He swiped in all directions and couldn't find the baby, just the gestational sac. We are expected to come back for a repeat ultrasound to see if the pregnancy is viable or not.
The following meeting with the OB we talked about the possibility of me having a condition wherein the body basically rejects a developing embryo. She gave me a week to bed rest and medicate. Hopefully we'll see the embryo by then. Roy asked for an extension to two weeks.
We went home devastated by the results.
Roy is still hopeful but I'm close to giving up.
March 1, 2018 (Thursday)
My medication further restricted movement. I had to stay lying down for hours after administering the medicine. I do this twice a day: one during naptime, one in the late evening before going to sleep. It has greatly reduced the time I can work on anything. When I'm up, I'm hungry and dizzy and unable to think straight.
Aside from the usual symptoms, I'm experiencing some difficulty breathing... I hope it's all worth it in the end.
I'm trying not to get emotional thinking about possibility of another loss. I'll just focus on the two week program for now.
March 4, 2018 (Sunday)
Postponing the bed rest to attend church. This experience has really drained us physically, emotionally, spiritually. We need to recharge.
via GIPHY
It's a busy day because the church is preparing for the camp. Campers have been grouped and it's every group's first time to meet. The following Sundays, replacing the afternoon organization fellowships, will be dedicated to group presentation practices for camp. It's challenging to listen to the meeting while fighting off nausea and fatigue, but I managed to stay attentive.
Right after the meeting, someone congratulated me on my pregnancy. I dreaded the statement and asked where she got the information. She then reported to me that my husband has announced the matter in their group and asked for prayers. "Sabi ko sa kanya huwag muna i-announce kasi baka maudlot." (We agreed that we will not announce it, because we're uncertain if it's viable or not.)
via GIPHY
If I wanted people to know na-announce ko na sa social media (they would know because I already posted in social media). But I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YET.
I know I should be happy to be congratulated, but looking at the situation and our agreement to keep my pregnancy secret until the second trimester, I felt angry and betrayed. I confronted my husband about it. He told me that a lot of people have noticed my symptoms and they've been asking. I told him, "Hindi lahat ng nagtatanong concerned. Yung iba gusto lang maging updated." (Not all people who inquire are concerned. Some are just nosy.) He should have just gathered a few people that we can trust instead of announcing the matter to the whole group!
He apologized and explained that he wanted more people to pray for us. I know his intentions are good but I felt vulnerable because of what he did. If anything goes wrong with my pregnancy, we'll have to go back to everyone who knew and update them. He can't take back his announcement. The list of all the people who will require our explanation is now longer. I'm really pissed.
Well, that's the situation now. I can't stay angry at my husband but I did take my time before reconciling with him.
One more week to go...
March 4, 2018 (Sunday)
Postponing the bed rest to attend church. This experience has really drained us physically, emotionally, spiritually. We need to recharge.
It's a busy day because the church is preparing for the camp. Campers have been grouped and it's every group's first time to meet. The following Sundays, replacing the afternoon organization fellowships, will be dedicated to group presentation practices for camp. It's challenging to listen to the meeting while fighting off nausea and fatigue, but I managed to stay attentive.
Right after the meeting, someone congratulated me on my pregnancy. I dreaded the statement and asked where she got the information. She then reported to me that my husband has announced the matter in their group and asked for prayers. "Sabi ko sa kanya huwag muna i-announce kasi baka maudlot." (We agreed that we will not announce it, because we're uncertain if it's viable or not.)
If I wanted people to know na-announce ko na sa social media (they would know because I already posted in social media). But I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YET.
I know I should be happy to be congratulated, but looking at the situation and our agreement to keep my pregnancy secret until the second trimester, I felt angry and betrayed. I confronted my husband about it. He told me that a lot of people have noticed my symptoms and they've been asking. I told him, "Hindi lahat ng nagtatanong concerned. Yung iba gusto lang maging updated." (Not all people who inquire are concerned. Some are just nosy.) He should have just gathered a few people that we can trust instead of announcing the matter to the whole group!
He apologized and explained that he wanted more people to pray for us. I know his intentions are good but I felt vulnerable because of what he did. If anything goes wrong with my pregnancy, we'll have to go back to everyone who knew and update them. He can't take back his announcement. The list of all the people who will require our explanation is now longer. I'm really pissed.
Well, that's the situation now. I can't stay angry at my husband but I did take my time before reconciling with him.
One more week to go...
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