Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 3)
It's the second half of our two week program. Since the first ultrasound result, we're just trying our best to stay positive and hold on to our faith. It's tough knowing that this could be another loss in the making - another blighted ovum. There's still a small chance that the baby will show up in the next ultrasound - a small chance. We're just hoping for a miracle.
I decided to delay posting this because my husband and I
---Beware! The article below contains TMI (Too Much Information)!---
Hubby has taken over all the work in the store and at home. My only task is to keep praying and follow the doctor's instructions.
We keep reminding each other that God makes miracles. Who knows? Maybe our wish will be granted this time. I am still feeling strong pregnancy symptoms. My husband would rejoice over my every back pain or pelvic pinches or vomiting. Every inconvenient symptom is a sign that my body is at work in nurturing our child. Never mind that these may be just side effects of the medicine I'm taking. We're trying to be positive.
March 9, 2018 (Friday)
I was scheduled for another ultrasound next Monday, but I decided I want to know the status today. Whatever the results are, I need to be emotionally prepared before facing the public on Sunday.
We decided to go to a different diagnostics clinic. They say ultrasound machines are not created equal. Maybe we'll be able to see the baby this time.
After almost an hour of waiting, I was called to the room. The doctor made a quick assessment of my situation. According to the doctor the baby should be obvious at 10 weeks but he only saw a gestational sac, simply confirming the result of the previous ultrasound. The nurse pointed something on the screen which the doctor defined as subchorionic hemorrhage (maybe this caused the spotting weeks before).
He was quick to dismiss the results because he has seen the embryo in earlier scans. I wish he looked further in my case... I got the copy of the results and we we're sent on our way.
It was past 12 and we decided to go to the nearest fast food joint for lunch before going home. I hate the idea of crying in public pero hindi na namin napigilan umiyak. (we couldn't hold back the tears.) It's just unfair to go through this for the third time.
March 10, 2018 (Saturday)
It's nice to be able to drink coffee again.
I stopped medicating. In an attempt to distract myself from the latest ultrasound results, I started doing chores again. We are also moving our stuff back to Apartment A. Even if the baby is out of our plans, we still have a lot to look forward to. There's a lot of work to be done.
We did tell a few people that I'm pregnant... I forwarded a message thru facebook to tell them that we have lost another baby and that we need their prayers during this time. We could let them keep guessing but I think we need to update them.
The worst scenario is when someone will approach us and ask about the baby, and we would have to explain the ultrasound results. I don't want this to happen.
March 11, 2018 (Sunday)
We just have to act cool today while also avoiding people.
So far so good, hanggang may nangamusta. (until some people asked about the baby.) Nagtinginan nalang kami ni Roy. (I gave Roy that look.) He shouldn't have announced it to his group. In my mind I'm telling him "You have to fix this."
And so he explained the situation. There are follow up questions I really don't feel like answering because I didn't want to be asked in the first place! This is what I wanted to avoid! Seriously! I don't need this right now!
That afternoon, he finally announced it to his group and requested that we have the privacy we need while dealing with this. So if anyone will come to me to ask details about my pregnancy I'll have the right to refuse to answer.
Of all the times this can happen, it just had to happen as we are preparing for the camp. Our pastor lost his sister last week. Our friend lost his father last week. We have members who are injured or sick. Dinidemonyo kami. (The devil is attacking us.)
I'm having thoughts like, bakit hindi nalang ito mangyari doon sa hindi naman active? (Why are we chosen to bear a burden like this? Why not let it happen to inactive members?) Atrocious idea, I know, but I can't help questioning the purpose for these problems. The world really is unfair.
Erase these thoughts!
Despite the discouragement, we're blessed to be in the church. We know that family and friends are praying for each other during times like this. Some people reached out to us just to let us know they're concerned. I'm also happy to know that people are willing to help out and lighten the load. The work in the ministry never stops.
March 12, 2018 (Monday)
By this time, I have accepted that it's another blighted ovum and I just want to recover as soon as possible. I'm expecting to be scheduled for D&C within the week. Next week will be for bed rest. The following week will be dedicated to church camp. I have everything planned out.
I came to see the OB for the follow up. She looked at the results. She didn't want me to go for the D&C just yet. There might be a chance that the baby is still developing.
In the 2nd ultrasound (10 weeks), she saw a yolk sac, and the gestational sac is larger. I told her that a lot of my symptoms have stopped and that I'm starting to feel cramping. She scheduled me for another ultrasound next week just to be sure. As long as I'm not spotting or bleeding, there is no indication that my body is getting rid of the sac.
What if the baby is really there? Is there really a chance the ultrasound just can't find him?
The realist in me doesn't want to keep hoping. We are preparing for the worst, but if God wants to perform a miracle, it's up to Him now. I just really want to be present in the church camp no matter what.
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