The Life of Kye

We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy." It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition. I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living. By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.

We already have an idea of what's going to happen. The only question is when. I'm afraid it will happen while we're in the camp but we are still determined to attend. We're not going to be absent this year. Call it a leap of faith. We're going to be there. If it happens there, we'll be ready. We were absent last year for a very similar reason - a miscarriage.   Day 1 of Camp 2017 was the very day I was taken to the hospital for a D&C. It was devastating.

Two weeks of begging God for favor is starting to take its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. At this point, I'm just impatient to know if my baby (if there really is one) is going to make it or not. I want answers. 

It's the second half of our two week program. Since the first ultrasound result, we're just trying our best to stay positive and hold on to our faith. It's tough knowing that this could be another loss in the making - another blighted ovum. There's still a small chance that the baby will show up in the next ultrasound - a small chance. We're just hoping for a miracle.

For most women, pregnancy is an exciting and blissful prelude to motherhood. Unfortunately, I am one of few women who dread being pregnant, traumatized by past pregnancy losses and failure. I'm pregnant for the third time in the moment we're almost sure we've done our best to prevent it from happening. Will God allow us to be parents this time?

image from PIXABAY Finally out of the hospital, home and settled. via GIPHY I was confined for almost two days to remove the remains of my failed pregnancy, a blighted ovum I carried in my womb for 14 weeks. The Firstborn That Wasn't Meant to Be (READ HERE) This is my detailed account of the procedure. Having a D&C (Journal) - (READ HERE) In case you're wondering what it was like after the operation, I assure you that it's okay. The operation itself wasn't as scary as I thought it was. The effects vary among women but I can tell you that it's manageable. If you need more information about recovering from D&C, feel free to read this article. TMI (Too Much Information) about feminine reproductive health. (Maybe okay for ladies but uncomfortable for guys). If you're a guy and still want to read on... you've been warned.

I was praying for a go signal from God if I should go through the procedure or still wait for a natural miscarriage. It was confirmed that I had a failed pregnancy - a blighted ovum. The Firstborn That Wasn't Meant to Be (READ HERE) I know we've already discussed. Hubby and I have agreed but I still have doubts. Until the last minute at home, I was still contemplating. A Proper Goodbye (READ HERE) I DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, PROMOTE ABORTION THROUGH D&C! This journal might be of help to those who are diagnosed with blighted ovum and a failed pregnancy. Remember. You are not alone. I hope this post will help give you an idea and help prepare you if you ever decide to have a D&C. view from the bed, inside the ob-gyne clinic Sorry for the TMI (Too Much Information) This post is not necessarily gory but it has details that may be uncomfortable for people to read. If you're that kind of people, STOP RIGHT HERE. Also, this post is really long.

Image from  PIXABAY Up to last Friday I was still conflicted whether to wait to miscarry naturally or to go with the d&c (dilation and curettage) or raspa . One of my concerns is the fact that d&c is a procedure also used in abortion and I am STRONGLY AGAINST abortion.

I wish I never had to go through this but it seems that God has another plan... Forsaken by his brothers, didn’t fit the scene Being made a slave was not what Joseph dreamed The coat of many colors was stained with blood and lies But from this divine appointment, a ruler would arise  When God has another plan, walk on and just say yes When God has another plan, be assured that He knows best When all your dreams are shattered, rest in His sufficient grace We don’t have to understand, when God has another plan Alone and broken hearted, questions fill your mind Changes can be hard that come by God’s design But if you could see tomorrow with a view from Heaven’s Throne Every unexpected struggle has led you closer home It's funny. I learned this song around the time I was two weeks pregnant. As you noticed, the title already projects sad vibes. I do not intend to bring discouragement. I'm writing this because...