The Life of Kye

Church camp has a different meaning to every person.  I was 11 years old when I first attended. It was nothing but a fun trip then. I won an award I didn't know I was qualified for - Junior Miss Camper. I assume they saw potential in me? Honestly, I still don't know what that award is for. As time went on, camp became more of a responsibility, actually a burden for me.  A camper becomes part of a group. Each group competes for trophies and prizes: best ID, best banner, best cabin, best presentation, best behavior and so on... I've been to countless meetings and practices and workshops prior to the event. I've done a lot of handmade ID's and banners. It was the same program year after year, just different competitions. The camp I've always known can only be done one way - an overall competition between groups and individual campers. We all have one week to put our best foot forward, get noticed by the organizers, then get awarded on the last day.  I ...

I just realized I haven't written anything for November... Am I that busy? Maybe. Am I procrastinating? Not really. I think it has more to do with not being able to focus on a task; not being able to gain momentum.

We've been mourning for two weeks now and we can't let anyone know what's happening. Church camp is such a big deal to me. I was never absent, not one day, not even an hour. I always made sure I'm fully paid, present and actively participating. It's a commitment I made to support the group I'm in even if it takes going to Divisoria to buy props, painting banners, dealing with group mates; I was there from preparation to the end. I take pride in that! Carrying a child is a much bigger deal... Unfortunately, God wants me to carry the child for only twelve weeks. The last two ultrasound results made clear that God has indeed taken our baby - no heartbeat, no fetal pole, no blood flow, and he/she shrank in size. I knew then I was going to miscarry anytime soon. My husband and I were still praying for a miracle while also preparing for the worst.

It should be normal to feel anxious while pregnant. There are serious risks especially in the first trimester. I should know. We lost our first baby last year.  { The Firstborn that Wasn't Meant to Be }   I know how the statistics are and I'm not 100% healthy to begin with.  When my husband and found out I was pregnant again, we were not as excited as we were the first time. There's a bit of excitement coupled with a lot of fear. What if it's blighted again? What if I miscarry? We even had a discussion whether to announce the pregnancy or not. Our previous loss somehow robbed us of the joy we're supposed to have. We nicknamed him/her Jellybean.

2016 was not a ten-minute roller coaster ride. It's more like riding vintage ship sailing for months on the unpredictable open sea. There were times enemies overtake and you have to fight for your life. There's loss, but there were also times when you enjoy the stillness of the ocean and the peaceful night sky (while still hydrophobic) . At least that's how I picture it.

edited image original image is from  PIXABAY My husband and I, with our respective families, are coming to terms with us not having a child early next year. It was quite a shock when we found out that my pregnancy failed. It's now safe to say that we're in the end of the grieving process. We've accepted what happened and we're moving forward. Raising the TMI Warning because of the theme of this post - female reproductive health. Only for adults!  KIDS, DO NOT READ THIS!

image from PIXABAY Back to work! It's been five days after I've undergone a dilation and curettage procedure to remove the remains of the blighted ovum I've carried for fourteen weeks. Physical recovery is easier than I thought, but not without its challenges. There's still a lot of unknowns. There's no way to know what's going on inside without the help of the doctor. We're only relying upon symptoms for clues. Raising the TMI (Too Much Information) Warning yet again. This post is mainly about the female reproductive health and may be awkward for guys to read. Gentlemen, please look away.

image from PIXABAY Finally out of the hospital, home and settled. via GIPHY I was confined for almost two days to remove the remains of my failed pregnancy, a blighted ovum I carried in my womb for 14 weeks. The Firstborn That Wasn't Meant to Be (READ HERE) This is my detailed account of the procedure. Having a D&C (Journal) - (READ HERE) In case you're wondering what it was like after the operation, I assure you that it's okay. The operation itself wasn't as scary as I thought it was. The effects vary among women but I can tell you that it's manageable. If you need more information about recovering from D&C, feel free to read this article. TMI (Too Much Information) about feminine reproductive health. (Maybe okay for ladies but uncomfortable for guys). If you're a guy and still want to read on... you've been warned.