Diary of My Third Pregnancy (Part 1)

My first resolution for 2018 is "DON'T GET PREGNANT."

Nakakadala. I don't know if there's any direct translation to this word. It means we've learned our lesson and we don't want to go through the same situation again. After two losses, the natural response would be to take a step back and think about whether we want to try conceiving again, or stop, or take a break.

We decided to dedicate this year to replenishing our health and our funds. I took on a project to help with that. We're trying to improve the management our present business. We're looking for ways to save money (possibly go back to live in Apartment A). So far, so good.

I decided to delay posting this because my husband and I

agreed not to make any announcements before April.

---Beware! The article below contains TMI (Too Much Information)!---

February 1, 2018 (Friday)

Aunt Flo did not arrive. It's not surprising because my cycle can take longer than 40 days when I'm stressed. It's possible that I'm having hormonal imbalance again.

February 13, 2018 (Tuesday)

My period still hasn't arrived. I'm getting nervous so I bought a home pregnancy test right after my teaching schedule. We plan on going walking tomorrow morning. Better test first before taking that 5 km walk.

I remember telling my husband, "Paano kung buntis pala ako pero in denial ako kaya di ko ramdam yung symptoms?" (What if I'm pregnant, only I don't feel any symptoms because I'm in denial?)

My breasts hurt but maybe it's just PMS - denial!

The only thing I can do to be sure is to take that test. The purpose is just to confirm that it's negative and we have nothing to worry about.

February 14, 2018 (Wednesday)

I couldn't sleep. Anxiety kicks in. I prayed hoping it would ease the anxiety so I can go back to sleep, but the prayer ended in weeping. I took the HPT expecting a 'negative'.

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It was positive.

I cried even more - out of fear.

When you've lost two babies in early pregnancy, it's hard not to be scared. The question "what if it happens again?" looms over your head. It's hard to be happy about the news. Masaya ako pero mas praning ako. (I'm happy but for the most part, terrified.)

I told my husband. He prayed then we went back to sleep.

We decided not to tell anyone yet. We're going to break the news when we reach 13th week.

February 15, 2018 (Thursday)

We went grocery shopping. I bought another home pregnancy test of a different brand, actually hoping it will disprove the first one. (Maybe the first one gave a false positive.) I also bought folic acid vitamins with that just in case I really am pregnant, but I'm really hoping I'm not.

I am suddenly craving for Henlin siomai. When I got closer to the stall it said "sharkfin siomai." Sharkfin is harmful to the baby because of its mercury content, and I also promised not to eat sharksfin anymore after watching a video of how fishermen harvest the fins from live sharks then leave the sharks to die. It's cruel. I forgot to ask if they had beef siomai or pork siomai. *Sigh*

When we got home, I called up my parents. My brother answered the phone. I ended up telling him I'm pregnant. I asked him to keep it a secret from our parents. He agreed. He even suggested we don't visit until I give birth then show up to our parents' house after 9 months with their grandchild!

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February 16, 2018 (Friday)

Strange things are happening. My stools are loose. I'm nauseous and tired and sleepy. I'm so exhausted I couldn't get any work done.

February 17, 2018 (Saturday)

We availed for a booth in a bazaar. Good thing I'm seated most of the time. I took naps whenever I could. The problem with the venue is that the restrooms are outside the building. My back hurts and I'm peeing a lot. I walk really slow because of the back pain and nausea.

I noticed some pink discharge. I'm not really sure about the color because the restroom light is a bit dim and yellowish. It only happened once today so I won't think about it anymore.

We went home around 9 PM. My back hurts from not being able to lie down for a proper nap.

February 18, 2018 (Sunday)

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Roy and I greeted the day with diarrhea! I hope it's not caused by a virus because that would be harmful to the baby. Probably we're both in detox because we drank alkaline water yesterday, about a liter each. I originally thought it's because of the cheesy 7-11 hotdogs but Roy only ate half of that and we're pooping at the same rate. Most probably the alkaline water did that.

The diarrhea somehow took a break but my nausea didn't. I feel so lightheaded during the breakfast meeting. I had to throw up, hopefully they didn't notice. I'm so dizzy I had to go lie down. That's why I was absent in Sunday School.

No nap today either. Family games are scheduled in 2:30 and we still had to prepare. At the time the games started, I was so sleepy and dizzy and losing focus while managing the powerpoint. I'm just trying my best to stay awake.

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I couldn't help it. I need to sleep. Some people may have noticed I'm absent in the afternoon service. A few people tell us, "Baka buntis ka na." (Maybe you're already pregnant.) We would strongly deny it. We just tell them I'm having a migraine because last week was so busy and stressful and I haven't gotten sleep. So sorry for lying... We did tell a few trusted people what was really going on.

February 19, 2018 (Monday)

So my husband and I agreed not to tell anyone yet. That includes the doctor. I know the drill. She'll prescribe some vitamins, then schedule me for a blood test and ultrasound.

I'm scared to have an ultrasound this early. What if the fetal pole isn't found? What if there's no heartbeat? What if it's blighted again? It's making me anxious. So we're putting off the appointment for as long as we could.

I thought everything was going well until there's spotting. I had spotting in my first pregnancy and it didn't end well. I had spotting in my second pregnancy in which case miscarriage followed. Of course I panicked! I can't believe this is happening again!

I texted the doctor about it and she replied telling me to take some medicine to stop the spotting... It could be nothing or we could lose the baby. I can't help but be emotional at this point. Maybe if I put myself in bed rest as soon as I found out I'm pregnant, this wouldn't happen.

This day has been wasted in crying and worrying.

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February 20. 2018 (Tuesday)

Spotting continues the whole day. It's brown and looks like old blood. It's also watery. It looks diluted. The spotting only happens right after I urinate.

I started taking meds this morning hoping the spotting would stop. I also limited physical activity.

I feel nauseous, bloated, gassy, exhausted, and anxious about the spotting. For some reason, I hate pandesal. My stomach is more acidic after I eat pandesal.

February 21, 2018 (Wednesday)

Aside from the first morning bathroom trip, the following bathroom trips I didn't have any spotting. There's only light-colored discharge.

I'm still curious as to what caused the spotting so I decided to meet the doctor, but I forgot to ask what her clinic schedule is. When I called the hospital, there has been an adjustment and I wouldn't make it to the cut-off. Her next schedule is on Saturday.

I'm so relieved that the spotting only happened once today.

Wala akong gana kumain. (I seem to have lost my appetite.) I feel full easily. It worries me that I want to eat less. It must be the hormones. I just try to eat whenever I'm hungry. I don't have specific cravings right now but I have food aversions. One of them is pandesal or any bread. My tastebuds are moody right now. Even water has a bitter aftertaste.

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I have upper right back pain. I asked my husband for a massage. There's some relief after that.

Lower abdominal cramps are more noticeable. They're not painful. They feel like there's pinching from the inside, very mild unlike period cramps. Just for the sake of comparison: period cramps feel like the uterus is squeezing itself. 

February 22, 2018 (Thursday)

Spotting in the first bathroom trip. Observing if there's going to be spotting later. None so far.

I ate half a bowl of sopas for breakfast, some crackers, and taho this morning. My appetite is really weird and I don't know how to deal with the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

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I felt something. It's like a big bubble coming to the surface of the water then bursting. It's not painful but it's noticeable. It's too early for a kick so I'm wondering what it is.

I'm trying to be positive so I looked for blogs or youtube videos of other people who have experienced any spotting or even bleeding in their early pregnancies and went on to deliver their babies. You can't really tell what's happening to the baby until you have it checked. Somehow I'm more hopeful that what I am experiencing is not really a problem.


February 23, 2018 (Friday)

No more spotting today pero praning parin. I'm still observing the symptoms. Though I'm relieved the spotting ceased, I really want to know what caused it. I'm going to find out tomorrow.

I'm confined to the bedroom, chained to the bed almost. I try to keep my mind off things by getting some drawings done and watching episodes of "The Crown." I take naps in between just to keep the morning sickness at bay.


February 24, 2018 (Saturday)

I called my parents today just to check upon my brother. He got infected with measles so we decided to cancel our lunch plans for Sunday.

He turned to phone over to my mom. "Ano? Buntis ka na?" ("Are you already pregnant?") This was the first thing she said. Of course I denied it!

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Our conversation went on and she mentioned we have to wait a week more to visit just to be sure we won't be infected with measles, to which I replied, "Oo nga po. Baka makasama sa bata." ("It's not good for the baby.") She didn't realize my statement until a few minutes later. I asked her to keep the news within the family for now.

We went to the hospital for prenatal checkup. The doctor was on leave. It's my fault I did not call the hospital first to see if she was available. I had urinalysis to scan for infections. The results showed that I didn't have any. I need to go back on Monday for another checkup and possibly an ultrasound.


February 25, 2018 (Sunday)

Hubby gave me an option to stay home and continue my bed rest. I ran the scenario in my mind. If I stay and he goes to church I will definitely not be in bed rest. I will have to prepare my own food or go outside to buy food. He suggested that he'll go home after the service to take care of me, maybe miss the afternoon service. We both dismissed the idea and we decided to go to church.

Morning sickness is so inconvenient I can hardly enjoy eating breakfast. Hubby prepared french toast and I'm basically forcing myself to eat. I'm also trying my best not to throw up while brushing my teeth. Travel is also challenging because I'm extra dizzy.

That's not the only challenge for today. None of my skirts fit me anymore but I found something that stretched enough.

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Kumakain ako sa sulok ng pasimple. (I was discreetly eating snacks.) Every Sunday, Roy and I sit at the same spot - front row, right corner. At this point being pregnant I'm sleepy and hungry all the time. I was cracking pumpkin seeds during the Sunday School, eating ube hopia during the Preaching. Nakakahiya sa guest speaker. (I was really ashamed because we had a guest speaker.) We accommodated guest missionaries too so it was a very busy Sunday for all the members.

The prevailing symptoms for today are cravings, hunger and terrible back pain.

We ended up telling a few more people that we're expecting.

I'm really glad I went to church today. We need encouragement. Hopefully we were able to encourage others too.

to be continued...