The Life of Kye

The pink and blue awareness ribbon is a symbol for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and infant death due to SIDS or other causes. It is also the awareness ribbon for infantile diseases and illnesses. Please DO NOT BE IGNORANT. Maybe you think you are helping but you are actually causing more hurt with what you tell others. Miscarriage is more common than you think and we must always be considerate of how others are coping after experiencing miscarriage, infertility and infant loss. My husband and I have lost three children to miscarriage. It takes a lot of patience to stay composed in the midst of INCONSIDERATE and INSENSITIVE people. Here are some statements that are definitely not helping people like us who are grieving for their children.

We were invited by senior high students for an interview regarding a project. My first opportunity to be interviewed was about two years ago when I was asked about “globalization.” I assumed this time it would be the same, except they told me we were going to be interviewed about “success.” Bigla akong naubo. Wow! Successful ba kami? In our minds, we all have a picture of success. #goals. A big house, piles of money, great career, cars, gadgets, basically material wealth and fame. For a minute I felt unqualified for the interview, nevertheless we agreed to meet the students.

It's nice to be able to stop for a while and evaluate things. The only reason I get to write anything is because we're at home because I'm having awful menstrual cramps. Needless to say we missed church today.  (By the way, the photo was taken last week when I got home from class. It's no good to take selfies while you're in pain.) It's been hectic for more than a month now and there's a lot going on. I got a new part-time job. My husband is starting a new business. I'm taking graduate classes. We're moving... again. Tatay is in the hospital... again! Did I miss anything? I just turned 32 last week. Hubby's birthday is this week. Last summer, we volunteered for Vacation Bible School. There was no guarantee I can get in the job I applied for. Just in case I get in, I decided I'll keep volunteering while I'm still available. Sana pwede parin ako next summer.

"Sinadya" is a Filipino word to describe an event or action that happened or was done  "intentionally." Let me tell you the events that transpired in April 19, 2015 from my perspective. That fateful day, God allowed His church to undergo a drastic change. It is not my intention to open old wounds. If you are still hurt or negatively affected by these events, stop right here. Don't read the account that follows.  You can't wish to be free and bring your cage with you. I don't wish to destroy the image of our churches. I just want to raise awareness.  If you are from another Baptist church, let me tell you this uncomfortable truth. The Devil is constantly setting up traps to destroy your church. What happened to us can happen to you if you will not be vigilant. Evil seeps in in many ways, in many forms, and it could very well seep into your own pastor's heart. A lot has been said. You have heard many accounts from different peopl...

We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy." It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition. I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living. By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.

We already have an idea of what's going to happen. The only question is when. I'm afraid it will happen while we're in the camp but we are still determined to attend. We're not going to be absent this year. Call it a leap of faith. We're going to be there. If it happens there, we'll be ready. We were absent last year for a very similar reason - a miscarriage.   Day 1 of Camp 2017 was the very day I was taken to the hospital for a D&C. It was devastating.

Two weeks of begging God for favor is starting to take its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. At this point, I'm just impatient to know if my baby (if there really is one) is going to make it or not. I want answers.