The Life of Kye

We were invited by senior high students for an interview regarding a project. My first opportunity to be interviewed was about two years ago when I was asked about “globalization.” I assumed this time it would be the same, except they told me we were going to be interviewed about “success.” Bigla akong naubo. Wow! Successful ba kami? In our minds, we all have a picture of success. #goals. A big house, piles of money, great career, cars, gadgets, basically material wealth and fame. For a minute I felt unqualified for the interview, nevertheless we agreed to meet the students.

It's nice to be able to stop for a while and evaluate things. The only reason I get to write anything is because we're at home because I'm having awful menstrual cramps. Needless to say we missed church today.  (By the way, the photo was taken last week when I got home from class. It's no good to take selfies while you're in pain.) It's been hectic for more than a month now and there's a lot going on. I got a new part-time job. My husband is starting a new business. I'm taking graduate classes. We're moving... again. Tatay is in the hospital... again! Did I miss anything? I just turned 32 last week. Hubby's birthday is this week. Last summer, we volunteered for Vacation Bible School. There was no guarantee I can get in the job I applied for. Just in case I get in, I decided I'll keep volunteering while I'm still available. Sana pwede parin ako next summer.

"Sinadya" is a Filipino word to describe an event or action that happened or was done  "intentionally." Let me tell you the events that transpired in April 19, 2015 from my perspective. That fateful day, God allowed His church to undergo a drastic change. It is not my intention to open old wounds. If you are still hurt or negatively affected by these events, stop right here. Don't read the account that follows.  You can't wish to be free and bring your cage with you. I don't wish to destroy the image of our churches. I just want to raise awareness.  If you are from another Baptist church, let me tell you this uncomfortable truth. The Devil is constantly setting up traps to destroy your church. What happened to us can happen to you if you will not be vigilant. Evil seeps in in many ways, in many forms, and it could very well seep into your own pastor's heart. A lot has been said. You have heard many accounts from different peopl...

We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy." It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition. I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living. By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.

We already have an idea of what's going to happen. The only question is when. I'm afraid it will happen while we're in the camp but we are still determined to attend. We're not going to be absent this year. Call it a leap of faith. We're going to be there. If it happens there, we'll be ready. We were absent last year for a very similar reason - a miscarriage.   Day 1 of Camp 2017 was the very day I was taken to the hospital for a D&C. It was devastating.

Two weeks of begging God for favor is starting to take its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. At this point, I'm just impatient to know if my baby (if there really is one) is going to make it or not. I want answers. 

It's the second half of our two week program. Since the first ultrasound result, we're just trying our best to stay positive and hold on to our faith. It's tough knowing that this could be another loss in the making - another blighted ovum. There's still a small chance that the baby will show up in the next ultrasound - a small chance. We're just hoping for a miracle.

For most women, pregnancy is an exciting and blissful prelude to motherhood. Unfortunately, I am one of few women who dread being pregnant, traumatized by past pregnancy losses and failure. I'm pregnant for the third time in the moment we're almost sure we've done our best to prevent it from happening. Will God allow us to be parents this time?

My first resolution for 2018 is "DON'T GET PREGNANT." Nakakadala . I don't know if there's any direct translation to this word. It means we've learned our lesson and we don't want to go through the same situation again. After two losses , the natural response would be to take a step back and think about whether we want to try conceiving again, or stop, or take a break. We decided to dedicate this year to replenishing our health and our funds. I took on a project to help with that. We're trying to improve the management our present business. We're looking for ways to save money (possibly go back to live in Apartment A) . So far, so good.

Church camp has a different meaning to every person.  I was 11 years old when I first attended. It was nothing but a fun trip then. I won an award I didn't know I was qualified for - Junior Miss Camper. I assume they saw potential in me? Honestly, I still don't know what that award is for. As time went on, camp became more of a responsibility, actually a burden for me.  A camper becomes part of a group. Each group competes for trophies and prizes: best ID, best banner, best cabin, best presentation, best behavior and so on... I've been to countless meetings and practices and workshops prior to the event. I've done a lot of handmade ID's and banners. It was the same program year after year, just different competitions. The camp I've always known can only be done one way - an overall competition between groups and individual campers. We all have one week to put our best foot forward, get noticed by the organizers, then get awarded on the last day.  I ...

It's been a long-time tradition for our church to spend the Holy Week together in an annual church camp. I've been to different campsites, some with better facilities, but I personally like this place. You can say it has a lot of potential, and a lot of charm! Let me enumerate the reasons why I like this place and what other ways they can improve to better accommodate people in the future. Hardin sa Tabing Ilog Adventure Camp is exactly what it says it is - a roughly landscaped camp facility beside the river.

Has 2017 been good? I'm not sure how to answer that.