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I Missed Out on Pastor's Choice

I have been warned about him. Still, I chose him.

I remember one stressful afternoon. The pastor called me up telling me, "Huwag ka na sasama kay Roy. [Stay away from him] He's b*llsh*t." He repeated the same unprintable words with more unprintable words but with the same message. I have to stay away from him. Pastor said so.

Then he hung up.

I was still shocked. Why would he say those things? Why would a pastor call up a church member to bad-mouth another? And why would a pastor even bad-mouth anybody? Is my friend that despicable?

I couldn't respond to him while he was still ranting. After the call, I tried to internalize the conversation. There was so much disappointment and hatred in his voice. I simply assumed that the pastor and Roy had an argument and I hoped for it to be resolved.

But for him to call me up and bad-mouth my friend... that really confused me. It confused me about how I see him as a pastor. It confused me of how I see Roy.

Minutes later I texted the pastor with my response. "I trust him." I explained why I did. The pastor did not reply. I cried myself to sleep that night.

If he's really what the pastor says he is, which is **enter various curse words here** then God will reveal it to me. I just have to be cautious from now on.

Fast forward to this day, I am happily married to the man our former pastor strongly rejected. Now how did that happen?

Roy is not some blind follower. He questions anything and anyone including the pastor. He was kind of a rebel. He thinks differently. He is honest to a fault. He is unpredictable. His character intrigued me so much. Any kind of partnership or relationship with him was discouraged by the pastor and the preachers, and that intrigued me even more.

When Roy started worked abroad, things changed for us. The pastor started mentioning him during his preaching. He started saying good things about him. He even hinted that he will allow Roy to court me when he gets back from the Middle East.

I was reviewing for the licensure exam for architects the same time he was abroad. Those were tough times. I looked forward to him coming back so we can finally be in a relationship.

There was this silly rule in our church before. You can never date unless you're 25. I never really agreed to this rule. I THINK IT'S STUPID but we did our best to comply. Imagine having feelings for someone and never being able to express those feelings. It's really difficult.

So Roy came back from the Middle East and started working locally. Past problems arose. The pastor started hating him again! He would publicly humiliate him. One time he humiliated Roy in a conference wherein other pastors and missionaries and workers from all over the country attended.

A year in our relationship, Roy decided to go to Singapore to work. It was so we can save up for our wedding and married life. As soon as he got there, things changed again between him and the pastor. He was mentioned again in preachings. When he would go home for a vacation, the pastor would be friendly to him.

While Roy remained the person I always knew he is, only wiser, throughout the years, the pastor's dealing with him changed according to his social status. It seemed that only when he gave much to the offering, that's when the pastor treated him well. It's sad, but it truly happened.

The pastor's dealing with me changed too, when I decided to go freelance. When I said goodbye to a regular salary, the pastor also started insulting me out of his disappointment. I felt like I had to do a good job in the ministry, make sacrifices so I wouldn't anger him. If I weren't in a relationship that appreciates me, I would have been so disappointed in myself too.

A photo posted by Kye Felix-Pajela (@sleepwalkingscarlet) on

Our relationship was tested not only by time and distance, but with unlikely antagonists as well. I thought the pastor would be an advocate of God's will, but it turned out, he was trying to pair up his members according to what union benefits him. Our union had no benefit to him, therefore, he refused us.

Though it may not have benefited the pastor, our relationship changed us for the better. Our relationship draws us closer to God. It has made me more positive and hopeful. We complement each other. I've seen how we have grown in faith and maturity. We inspire each other, even through tough times. If that isn't God's will in a relationship, then I don't know what is.

Pastor's choice is not always equivalent with God's choice.

That pastor probably wanted me to focus on building my career and climbing high up the corporate ladder to fuel his greed, preferably stay single or be in a relationship with someone he thinks will be good for me, but God knows better!

In His time, God revealed that our former pastor had been in an illicit relationship with his office staff for MORE THAN TEN YEARS! He has a wife and children but fell into this horrible sin against God, his own family, and our church! He was able to keep it a secret for MORE THAN TEN YEARS!!!

Why would an adulterer even have an authority to meddle with my love life?
Would you let an unfaithful man give you an advice about marriage and relationship?

I am NOT telling you to disobey your church leaders.
I'm urging you to listen to God more than you listen to men.

Photo by: Patrick Puno

In the end, everything that happened was all for the best.

Photo by: Jonathan Felix
I missed out on our former pastor's choice to be with the man God chose for me. I could never be happier!

Married life is not perfect but God has given me my match. I am blessed.


  1. Thanks for the enlightenment, I was really curious on what happened after I left, I do have that gut-feel your former pastor's up to no good. Anyway, God bless your union, you're both fine,we're thinkers.:)

    1. I just wish we could have seen it sooner... But God has His own perfect timing. Thank you! God bless you! :)

    2. Well, we saw it anyway, and thank God for that. I went there (the "church" - if that is even one) after the split. I felt that there's something wrong, and it's kinda creepy - those who stayed, I knew them well but I what saw were too many strangers. It's not that it matters now, but still it was saddening. But as you said, in God's perfect time, everything will fall in its place. God bless you too. :)

    3. The way I see it, they're re-populating. Obviously, they're trying to prove something. I feel bad for those who stayed and to those who are newly recruited. ;(
      They heard the gospel, yes, but they're going to stay in a system wherein they will only be manipulated and exploited. I have been there. I put this man in a pedestal and HE BROKE ME and many other people in so many ways. I hope that doesn't happen to someone else this time. I really doubt that he's changed. ;(


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