The Life of Kye

I chopped my hair again. I wish it was for better reasons - spontaneous change of image, the type that vloggers do whenever they run out of content. But I am experiencing depression again and it’s not because of the season.

My last log was in December 2021. Ang dami nang nangyari. (A lot has happened.) Part of me wants to write religiously. But knowing I can't even stick to developing an exercise or a skincare routine makes this goal close to impossible. Here I am gathering my thoughts again while facing the screen, trying to recall the past events since 2022 started.

It's been more than a year since I posted. I feel really strange writing this now. This may be more "brain dump" or rant than article. I've forgotten how therapeutic writing is. It's a coping mechanism to what has been going on. Please bear with me. You'll never really know how people will respond until after you've said what needs to be said. It's difficult to be open about problems and struggles when there is little trust and a large possibility of judgment. This year, we had a very enlightening discussion about respecting other people's boundaries. Walls, windows and doors symbolize the level of privacy or openness when this topic was discussed. The time it was presented the ladies in our group were kind enough to share their own experiences which led to better understanding on how we can build each other up instead of unknowingly discouraging others with our words. As a person, you can't help but build up walls and it's clear people sho...

Between self-harm and having a haircut, which would you prefer? I believe that our actions and our appearances are only manifestations of what is going on within us. I have sported many looks over the years, most of them classified under the "pretty", "glamorous", or "safe" category. I have had my hair straightened, curled, but never colored. I've experimented with cutting my own bangs too. The shortest haircut I've had is an asymmetrical bob. It's unusual to have hair that's short on one side and long on the other but I think it worked. It's really hard to pinpoint the reason for having to transition to a new look. Sometimes it's just a spontaneous thing. Upon observation, the more stressed I am, the more tempted I am to cut my hair. My hair receives the punishment, it seems. This idea of going pixie is always dismissed because of, you know, the usual reasons: the Bible wanting women to have long hair, the church, my husband not al...

Have you ever made tough decision? I’m writing this not to talk ill of or shame a person. I will not mention names. I believe there’s a moral to this story. And through experience, writing has helped me cope with overwhelming thoughts. To me, clearing my mind is like cleaning out a bag when stuff has accumulated inside. That’s what I’m about to do in this blog post - basically a brain dump. Photo by Joaquin Paz y Miño on Unsplash If you are currently a tenant of a space, or a landlord or landlady, you may very well relate to this post. If you aren’t any of the two, what follows may not interest you as much.

"You teach what you know, but you reproduce what you are." Howard G. Hendricks Photo by Mark Rabe on Unsplash Two years, four semesters. It's quite an experience. I spent a good hour facing the monitor with nothing to write in the draft. How do I describe being in the academe?

Maybe I don’t need to tell you about Hope, my fourth child. You’re thinking. No, not again. Not another miscarriage story. Same thought. I wish this didn’t happen. This is the time to stop reading. Baka ‘di mo kayanin. Close this window now. Read about something else. It’s okay. Hope’s story isn’t for everyone.

Though I sympathize with the employees, I really don't buy all the drama being circulated about ABS-CBN signing off. We understand that a lot of people are so emotionally invested in "teleserye's" and "artista's" and you have every right to voice out your frustration. By all means, rant to your heart's content. Free speech. It's your right.

Better look silly and healthy than decent but ill. Wow, this getup did give me a lot of false hope. *dry coughs*

I'm not used to birthday parties. I don't look forward to them. 

Church Camp. Four days and three nights with the brethren away from the comfort of home and the convenience of city life. This year we went to Redemption Ranch Cowboy Camp in Lipa, Batangas.  This article will be a review of the campsite facilities as well as my suggestions on how they can further be improved. Let's get started! Things I like about Redemption Ranch: This super-instagrammable space. This is the entrance to the multi-purpose court which we used for most of the camp programs. Bentang-benta po ito sa mga nagse-selfie.  They insisted to have a class picture taken here. I also have a portrait pic taken while in the midst of bougainvillea. Hindi ko na post dito. Medyo nakakahiya. There are landscaped spots scattered within the property adding to the overall pleasant environment. It's not overdeveloped.  Campsites tend to compromise open space in favor of building structures to accommodate more people, causing the pro...

I want to chronicle my experience so I can look back to how I started in the academe. Time will come when I'll get bored or burned out. I need something to help me remember why I chose this path. Most architects would either want to excel in a design firm or manage his own design firm. Only a few choose to be educators. Not all are interested to teach or are comfortable speaking to a crowd. This is evident in our CPD seminars wherein - no offense - some speakers can bore the life out of the audience. Not all architects are willing to prepare lesson plans and activities and check research papers and plates every single week. On top of this, there are grades to compute. And let's not forget, handling teenager students can be really stressful. Imagine the kunsumisyon. It's a very demanding job. Add teaching to your design practice and you have a major brain drain waiting to happen! via GIPHY What is required to teach architecture? You need to be a licensed ...

It’s normal to feel giddy whenever the church camp approaches. There’s a bit of concern when it comes to camp fees and other expenses, this is normal as well. If you feel apathetic about this event, I hope your attitude will improve. But doubt is not normal. Being cold towards a supposed happy event is not normal. In January, our team unexpectedly won the Bible quiz. The prize was a discount on the camp fee. I decided to waive my prize hoping it the discount will be given to someone who needs it more. My husband decided to waive his prize as well. We’ve been thinking how the Lord has been sustaining us. Now that we are both employed and able to pay for our fees, we thought it would be nice to sponsor others.  Then April came...

The pink and blue awareness ribbon is a symbol for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and infant death due to SIDS or other causes. It is also the awareness ribbon for infantile diseases and illnesses. Please DO NOT BE IGNORANT. Maybe you think you are helping but you are actually causing more hurt with what you tell others. Miscarriage is more common than you think and we must always be considerate of how others are coping after experiencing miscarriage, infertility and infant loss. My husband and I have lost three children to miscarriage. It takes a lot of patience to stay composed in the midst of INCONSIDERATE and INSENSITIVE people. Here are some statements that are definitely not helping people like us who are grieving for their children.

We were invited by senior high students for an interview regarding a project. My first opportunity to be interviewed was about two years ago when I was asked about “globalization.” I assumed this time it would be the same, except they told me we were going to be interviewed about “success.” Bigla akong naubo. Wow! Successful ba kami? In our minds, we all have a picture of success. #goals. A big house, piles of money, great career, cars, gadgets, basically material wealth and fame. For a minute I felt unqualified for the interview, nevertheless we agreed to meet the students.

It's nice to be able to stop for a while and evaluate things. The only reason I get to write anything is because we're at home because I'm having awful menstrual cramps. Needless to say we missed church today.  (By the way, the photo was taken last week when I got home from class. It's no good to take selfies while you're in pain.) It's been hectic for more than a month now and there's a lot going on. I got a new part-time job. My husband is starting a new business. I'm taking graduate classes. We're moving... again. Tatay is in the hospital... again! Did I miss anything? I just turned 32 last week. Hubby's birthday is this week. Last summer, we volunteered for Vacation Bible School. There was no guarantee I can get in the job I applied for. Just in case I get in, I decided I'll keep volunteering while I'm still available. Sana pwede parin ako next summer.

"Sinadya" is a Filipino word to describe an event or action that happened or was done  "intentionally." Let me tell you the events that transpired in April 19, 2015 from my perspective. That fateful day, God allowed His church to undergo a drastic change. It is not my intention to open old wounds. If you are still hurt or negatively affected by these events, stop right here. Don't read the account that follows.  You can't wish to be free and bring your cage with you. I don't wish to destroy the image of our churches. I just want to raise awareness.  If you are from another Baptist church, let me tell you this uncomfortable truth. The Devil is constantly setting up traps to destroy your church. What happened to us can happen to you if you will not be vigilant. Evil seeps in in many ways, in many forms, and it could very well seep into your own pastor's heart. A lot has been said. You have heard many accounts from different peopl...

We lost Jellybean last year, same time as the first day of camp. Life has been tough since our first loss - Robyn in July 2016. What shall we name the third one? My husband called it "Thirdy." It really doesn't matter if the pregnancy has a formed embryo or not. Any expectant mother would love the one she's bearing regardless of the condition. I'm tired of bearing dead children and empty sacs. It would have been better if I never had to bear them at all, but this is how God intended it to be. Whether this is punishment for past sins or a trial of faith, what matters is that we keep on living. By now I should be used to the feeling of miscarriage but experiencing it for the third time doesn't make it easier physically or emotionally.

We already have an idea of what's going to happen. The only question is when. I'm afraid it will happen while we're in the camp but we are still determined to attend. We're not going to be absent this year. Call it a leap of faith. We're going to be there. If it happens there, we'll be ready. We were absent last year for a very similar reason - a miscarriage.   Day 1 of Camp 2017 was the very day I was taken to the hospital for a D&C. It was devastating.

Two weeks of begging God for favor is starting to take its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. At this point, I'm just impatient to know if my baby (if there really is one) is going to make it or not. I want answers.